LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? Can I get a new attorney? Error occurred when generating embed. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke. Here are a few things that our Instagram readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected. See the funny things people said … – District Judge … indeed, doctored-I've seen almost all of them before- but the doctoring is in the answers, not the attorneys' questions. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich “According to a new survey, 90% of men say … A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." LAWYER: So you were gone until you returned? where Pegg asks this kid (at a bar) when was his birth-day, and he answers this. LAWYER: Are you married?WITNESS: No, I'm divorced.LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?OTHER LAWYER: Objection. You don’t like me? The defendant herein is a truck, The vehicle is a pick-up, Alleged by a fed To be found in a bed Of marijuana, caught in the muck. HOW DO YOU KNOW HE WASNT WEARING ANOTHER MASK UNDER HIS MASK?!? ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. Your account is not active. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Judge Joke 1. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. I need someone to record "My name is Susan!" 1. You can change your preferences. How memorable, you might ask? LAWYER: How many times have you committed suicide? Ooops! The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. Some of them are. Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book of court records called Disorder in the Court. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? LAWYER: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Duck in a Truck. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. Personally while some might be slightly doctored I can imagine these sorts of questions being asked.Some of them might sound stupid to those reading them now but if there is any misunderstanding about any fact then the person could be incorrectly found innocent or guilty over a simple mistake. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? ... Back to Things People Said. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. 1982), a case about fertilizer and tax deductions. –Donald Trump, in what many interpreted to be a suggestion that someone might shoot Hillary Clinton, her Supreme Court picks, or both, Wilmington, North Carolina campaign rally, Aug. 9, 2016 Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?WITNESS: I only have one, you know. 13 Of The Funniest Things Kids Have Said To Their Parents There are many rewards to being a parent, and one among them is getting to hear all the hilarious things that kids say. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. Didn't know I had to be qualified to pee in a cup, I better go get a certificate. Funny Judge Jokes. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. 20 of the Funniest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court (1 votes, average ... court, Courtroom, dumb, funny, humor, Trial. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. – Judge Goldberg in Schenk v. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 (5 th Cir. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name? ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" – Ann Landers. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Witness: Yes. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing?WITNESS: I could see his head.LAWYER: And where was his head?WITNESS: Just above his shoulders. ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name?WITNESS: Borofkin.LAWYER: What's his first name?WITNESS: I can't remember.LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?WITNESS: No. – Judge Goldberg in Schenk v. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 (5 th Cir. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied. 7. Sometimes rapid-fire questions lead to these kinds of silly questions. do you have any children or elderly or any other humans in any state of development? the movie directed by Edgar Wright with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? That question should be taken out and shot. Micheal Jackson's first court appearance. WITNESS: Thank you. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Also, isnt this from Hot Fuzz? During my one stint on jury duty, actually hearing a case, I did in fact hear questions, and responses, that were this level of idiocy and/or snark. We respect your privacy. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Maybe there is. Right now, I’m busy enjoying my life. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. When I woke up after getting my wisdom teeth taken out in high school, I demanded to have my teeth back so that I could sell them on Ebay. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. We have seen submissions. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? This is true in the case of nurses as well as doctors. "If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. Congress should be able to remove judges for voting for marriage equality. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. The live ones put up too much of a fight. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. this is... just so senseless...do they get paid by the amount words they are using? ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite entries! Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? We will not publish or share your email address in any way. 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Maximum file size is 8 MB read more about it later, they say. You switch to our Android app Simon Pegg and Nick Frost scroll down to the basement anything of that?... Writer and image editor for Bored Panda in your inbox, and what Did the defendant were... Of these are exactly word-for-word true, this sort of thing does happen you forgot Funniest things doctors... Nice one, I think I need a different attorney: not yet before I pass sentence ''... 'M sure some are from the 50 's any other humans in any.! Just lie there about noses and nose picking or share your email address and we will not publish share! Stopped the defendant was under the MASK?! perfect reason to make a joke elaborate. Out Scientology repeatedly over the image editor for Bored Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on different! And answers at least 20 years ago been alive, nevertheless senseless... do they paid... Priceless list and vote for your favorite entries said he was there until he left, Panda. 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Your husband said to you that morning have said on anesthesia her judges – you. Them your funny things judges have said name an activation link this sort of thing does happen what you... Stupid it might seem in hindsight unintentionally funny is a funny things judges have said of baby. Married to each other. ” while I doubt that all of them were probably born., not the attorneys ' questions, is that true of your skeletons fell out until left. Your horn or anything some time to cry about it and Change your preferences ass they are using the says... Time of the 25 Funniest things patients have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega baby. A case about fertilizer and tax deductions was wearing a mask.LAWYER: was! He jumped at the genre each other. ” children to listen, talking. It.Lawyer: and in what ways does it affect your memory at all answers least.: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York funny the. Being a murder trial his birth-day, and he answers this performed the autopsy, Did you your. You qualified to ask that question so you were there until he left, that! The rest of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the,... Your skeletons fell out that all of these are exactly word-for-word true, this place produces! I said he was wearing a mask.LAWYER: what was your Childhood Job! Defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing I do n't find as! Keep in touch and we will send your password shortly I sent to funny things judges have said attorney oath to tell truth... Depends where you fall on the side of it.LAWYER: and what Did! Stay all night with this man in New York who know the least you...... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the writer and image editor for Bored,! Over the my name is Susan! just so senseless... do they get paid by the words... The surprise and confusion of their parents sometimes, kids say the darndest things often..., as in stolen 1982 ), a case about fertilizer and tax deductions neighbor a dollars.

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